AMATEUR

Its like I am at loss of soul. A person can't live without soul I know it but I dont get the feel of being happy and reunited and talking with the soul. Its not the first juncture of change but has become tough because the biggest support of mine, my family is not there.
Its been more than 40 days, have met mummy papa once but I am not able to adjust at all. I am searching my family, my ambience , my home, dat road, my home's jhula, my terrace, my 2 sweet nephews..and what not!!! My soul is tied there may be but I am trying to live here. Trying to keep pace here. But what should I do when my feet which has pain asks for a cream and remembers mummy's saying of everyday "put d cream." when i want to have a tea and I do remember the tea in plates from my muumy, I want to say mummy here I try to make it cool , but my tongue gets hurt every other day. When its dinner time, I dont keep water d way I used to keep....when i snooze my alarm 5 min, t never says "Anu hum tumko ab noi uthayenge". Why isnt di here to shput @ me when I am writing this post @ 2:20 am.???
Life has become changed. I am not ready to accept it. Everyone is trying to comfort me but I am lost. I am an amateur wh desnt know how to handle fake people, who doesn't know to hide everything inside her sleeves, to put on masks, to deceive, to abuse, to be selfish. People were bad but there goods in the past to back me, Here there is no good to back me up. You get only attacks and setbacks. I am continuing the journey with hopes from all d caring ppl of mine... I dont have any strength, just going for this line "KHUD HI KO KAR BULAND ITNA KI HAR TAQDEER SE PEHLE KHUDA BANDE SE KHUD POOCHE BATAAAAAAAAA TERI SAZAAAAA KYA HAI????????????????????????????"  i want to be strong, with all this positivity I want every inner frce of mine to come and guide me through this. I know you exist, you are watching me, guiding me through your lamp , pls be with me, my family, frmnzz........

Hope

Here I sit down again to write down something. I don't know what, just that it may take away a little of the pain, a little of tiredness out of me. Writing, why is it good??? I don't know. Isolation also seems good. I feel nothing, rather trying not to feel. After a long time, rejoined with music, I am loving it. At least it distracts me for some time.
The sooner you let these hearts beat together, the sooner you know this love is forever.... in the same way the sooner u accept this fact that u are out of home, the sooner ur problems will be solved..Yupp for all home-sicks like me .....I can say Koi ni Koi ni.......try bear out all the pains yourself. I know there is nobody to laugh, scream, shout, love, do ur style masti...everything remains formal. There is so much sugar involved in everything.
Hum jo chalne lage, chalne lage hain ye rasteeee........ lets hope, lets just hope mere raasste b chal paden.
People say tune hme itna samjhaya hai aur aaj tu............ yes I am behaving in all the irrational behaviors and for all sanity I know its wrong, but I am helpless now..
When I become helpless, there is this peculiar tendency to leave everything to that Almighty, and I am exactly doing this. Hope is the only rope............

HAPPINESS

I never believed I could be in bliss too, but I attained. I also never felt that I can be realistic, but now I believe in all this.

Sometimes we feel that destiny is not with us. There are no silver linings. Life seems to be harsh , all plans go wrong and we are left alone. And mind you, all bads will occur together, everything, every moment seems to be cursing us. We don't understand any part, neither good nor bad.

There are times when hope fails, life comes to a standstill. Nobody seems to be appreciating. Life seems to have lost all its rewarding experiences. We look at all aspects in vain. All the relations go lost, we start to live all alone.

Life becomes a marsh, however hard you try, you won't be out of it. You will stop feeling the moistness of dew, the beauty of grass, the silence of a fresh morning, the pretty loneliness of the evenings, the cute teasing of friends..

This all happens to us at one point or other to all. There is no way to come of it. Somebody actually has written

"Don't tell me the problem is a difficult one. If it wouldn't hav been difficult, it wouldn't have been a problem."

There will be problems.., of course, life becomes useless if we don't have them. Believe in  it. Take these words "Problems are good for my health. They actually make me human."

You actually will feel better once you accept them. If you are a one-sided lover(say, I pray nobody becomes 1), then do accept the fact that the other person doesn't love you. If you have actually problems in understanding a subject, go on, do accept ki that you don't know. My teacher once said a beautiful line

" 99% of the problems will be solved if people are able to save themselves from their own selves."

Yes, you got it correct!!! We are in the problems because we are not at ease with our faults/shortcomings. Accept the problems, start believing in this,

"Sadness is a part of me. Go on and try to reach the height of sadness. Analyze this height and you will find a solution yourself , from inside your soul." 

For example if you start you will fail in exams and because of it you are unable to study. First of all come at ease with it. We become disturbed because we start thinking how can I fail?? what will people think?? Leave all this accept that you are fail. Trust me that very moment you will be relaxed. Now when you are at ease with the problem , start working. You will work with twice your efficiency because:

1 Your mind, body and soul are all together and at ease with your failure.
2 When you actually feel that you are fail then you feel the heat of being in that state. Till now you were running but now the only thing in your mind will be "I am fail." this very sentence will make you work.

Have you ever heard of phoenix????A unique bird that lived for five or six centuries in the Arabian desert, after this time burning itself on a funeral pyre and rising from the ashes with renewed youth to live through another cycle.
Try looking at yourself with a new mirror after all has been burnt out. I know its easy to write, to advise but hard to follow. But this is real experience. When you feel negative , go to its heights. Let all of it come out, cry wildly, shout madly, let there be the biggest shriek from you. Let all of it come out. Become a phoenix, burn yourself down (I mean burn your whole soul negatives). 


Now when you will see that you feel better. Actually  till now you were trying to clean yourself partly. Understand that sometimes we need a full cleaning of the soul.


Try for this cleansing by doing your own soul search. Don't ask questions, nopes, just look at yourself and find out some good points for your personality. We can't be angry with ourself . Don't keep any guilts. Its ok if you have made mistakes after all you are a human being.


After this search a confidant, a true person in whom you can confide. Speak out, speak your soul to him/her. 




Believe me the next day sun will be more brighter, the grass more greener, the energy of your soul double , the moistness of the dew will drench you and butterflies will haunt you!!!!!!!!!! 

Night

There are many nights when you just cant sleep. You might be playing the same song over and again, the same old messages on phone might have been read or may be your stories , dat fav. book or site opened up again ..  Then mostly it so happens you go introspecting or you start remembering the moments. It so happens that the page of the book remains open for minutes and you are thinking, may be of somebody or about your own actions you took in the past, those very nice moments you hav spent with your family or friends or (if applicable) with your special someone.

This silence of night makes you think, gives you time to have for your hobbies, for your own self. These are very special at least for me who has always taken firm decisions in these nights, rebuked herself for wrong behaviours, introspected a lot or worked in these nights as well.

 The exam days' night when i studied with different phases. The first was uptil when di and bro n friends studied when I used to enjoy watching them study in my breaks, when we fought, when we all insisted  didi to make "chai", "maggi" Eating the maggi , sitting in the verandah and den sayin "Lets sleep, ab kal dekhi jayegi"
Then was the second phase when i studied alone, the first night when I made coffee as chai i.e. water + milk + coffee.. ;(.... The studies were boring then, usually difficult to be alone n studying , dat was schul.
Then there came third phase the college one, studying alone still but having friends texting all tym "jagging" or "kitna padha???", "wake @ 5 or i m fail"............. ;););) This is really awesome, all go on saying full night "Nothing possible, nobody can save me" and then reaching the college, asking everyone"i told you to study this question, did u??"

When exams over , then in the nyts thinking ohh now wat? In these nights making assignments , music, games, articles, gift plans for friends all goes on and on...... The nights are special for me, for many I think. After the day's work or no work (for students like me those who don't study dat much) ,we actually get down to ourself or start conversing with our confided ones about various topics at length. These conversations are life-changing events, these long night talks eventually bring out the best analysis of our personalities, of all the circumstances, of all the deadlocks around you. Those heart-to-heart talks with sibling or parents or friends bring out your actual self, resolve your problems and you feel clear from mind and lighthearted. The late night maggie parties are the most awaited ones when we actually do masti apart from talking and then suddenly elders coming and yelling "Sleep!!! Shouting at this hour???"

This talking is one part but then there are nights when we actually feel alone, pained, all-alone in the world, feeling desolated. These are the moments of anguish, of pain, chilled inside heart ... It is in these nights  we remember broken relationships or past which has pained us....... These  are the sleepless lonely crying nights. The stars seem to feel sad with ourself, moon becomes a symbol of pain. It is in these nights we become emotional, we cry, we try ................to understand the situations, to calm ourself, to become normal but all in vain.

The nights  are special to me... really dear.... remembering the song "Raat hamari toh chand ki saheli h, kitne dino k baad aayi wo akeli h"... Ohhhhhh how could i forget the Music??????? yes, the most important part of night whether you talk or enjoy or introspect or study this is always on. my best companion of the night, music , in the form of youtube or radio or my phone .. its always der .. Thank you music, for being with me.

Well the talk is endless, because I do every good talk in the night only ...................

People say get up early.. ur day will be good.. I say nights are my companions, they hav made my days..

Love u night, love u darkness......

DAANT!!!!!!!!!!!

I was actually hearing this long lecture from my sis n actually felt good. In the morning when i get late for college, my mother shouts and me while replying to her I have a smile on my face..

Sometimes we actually love these things , these daants. Yes we love them, we crave for them at times. Strange is the way of life, isn't it???? Sometimes in order to strengthen relationships ye daant, ye rebukes, ye reprimands are good. We need them badly, in order to believe relationships are normal.

Now you may be thinking what is this ? How can somebody actually love reprimands. We all love them secretly, unknowingly, may be for sometime, we will feel bad but in the long run these will be well crafted in our nicely-knit stories.

Though extreme of everything is obviously bad but a little-bit of daant from our friends, family, teachers all improve our health. These are actually daily doses of vitamins for us. Always remember true friends are not those who never fought, they are ones who always patched up with a smile and a pure heart.

Suggestions

There are a lot of people who give you a lot, may be a million suggestions you might have received till now. Most of them free of cost, some you might have asked, like on request... What did they do to u? Disturbed you, groomed you as a person, irritated, irked or mesmerized you!!!!!!!!

See there can be a lot many effects of these so called suggestions or as we "modern race" puts it "advices". There can be still more reasons for people to give it. Lets analyze both: the reasons and the effects.

Everything starts with reason, so what can be the reason of we advising others or people giving you advices. First, they are in the habit of commenting on everything. Second, may be, they think they are smarter and actually help us out by advising us. Third, they feel we desperately need help on clothes, style of reading, walking, talking, eating,......... what not!!! Fourth may be they just feel they can improve others..

Now as I said above .. the the effects First, the person accepts every advice and is happy to hear the advices. Second may be will hear, wont react, but quietly rejects. Third, may be, he will shout out as to "Man, I don't need it. Keep it with you!!"

So what am I trying to say through all this nitpicking. Its a simple opinion, don't give suggestions or advices in all the situations. Stop commenting on everything. Please try and understand that you don't need to always guide people like saints, you don't need to preach.
See even if your advices are good, they will not prove any worth because people will not like it as you always show your goodness. Forget the people, MAINTAIN YOUR OWN DIGNITY.

Lets understand it this way, if a person actually needs help, go help in secret, not publicly, only if you are too worried about he/she. And if they are not asking you, use your brains, Gosh, they don't need it, Right????

May be your intentions are right, but you will be taken wrongly my dear friends, so be careful. To all those dear ones who know all this and still continue with their superior ways of advising, may be I will say, go on till one day you get the severe blows from somebody.

the point here is simple, the world accepts wise people because they seldom speak but when they speak, they mesmerize you and mind it, they never give suggestions free of cost!!!!

The actual driving statements for me....

At times we feel that all these inspiring quotes and all these motivating stories are fake.. It did happen to me. I was lost, not ready to listen to anything not to my heart , not firends, neither teachers nor family....

I was browsing and just surfing , I got all these together at some place , posting them for you, whenever you read all these together you will understand a lot, a feeling of elation, self-confidence and self-rebuke all together... just go through them..


Leave no stone unturned.
If you would create something, you must be something.
Every artist was first an amateur.
The power of imagination make us infinite.
Try not to become a man of success, but a man of value.
There is no beauty, but the beauty of action.
Action may not always bring happiness, but there is no happiness without action.
Well done is better than well said.
To catch lots of fish, you must first go to the water.
Procrastination is the thief of time.
Life is what happens to you while you are making other plans.
You pile up enough tomorrows, and you'll find you've collected a lot of empty yesterdays.
One does evil enough when one does nothing good.

Dilemma..

Why do the outbursts occur? You are on the crossroads, you don't know how to proceed? Now people come , they give a a lot of reviews, a still more number of feedbacks and don't tell you how to proceed?

As I see to it , there is a step-wise manner for everything, you teach a little 2-year old "B for Boy"....... now you go on asking him "R for" , "X for". What will that toddler do? First three times, he will answer what he knows and that is boy for each and every question you ask. All these times he was expecting you will give the solutions but you give feedbacks, more and more questions.. all these times the little one was enthusiastic.. a little by little enthusiasm decreasing, at the fourth and fifth times he is bound to cry or become angry.

How can you expect with people that they improve by themselves. Of course self-learning exists but when a person is at the crossroads please don't play with him. Do not go on telling her that this way you can walk, or that way is better, suggest a method to come out of it. Do not make the web more tighter for her. She can die of suffocation.

Then the outbursts are bound to occur in the form of cries, anger or frustration. When a person is in dilemma please do not put him in much more troubles, give some solutions to him if only you can , else stay away!!!!

A thought on song

"Someday we will know", a beautiful song with touching lyrics... Someday we will know, sometimes we dont ever come to know what happened, what din't. A friend loss, a relation broke, some dear one's sudden demise, a parting not clear, der are somethings which are beyond understanding. These are lost.

I was thinking that many a times it so happens we are parted in such a way that we are unable to understand what happened. People don't speak and go away.. Many a times death parts people forever and so many questions, feelings, answers , expressions remain inside both the persons. These are lost forever, now they will be painful more than ever because no matter how many times you shout the words, they will never reach the intended person.

For people who are alive and don't communicate for come whatever may reasons , I want to say "Give it, give the relationship one last try, try to the fullest, not for somebody else's sake but for your own peace of mind. Try for once. Then at least you will be saved from the regret of not tying out the relationship."

Someday we'll know y the sky is blue, someday we'll know why i wasn't the one for you.........

The song moves on and on, and i get the feeling that there are already enough mysteries to reveal, lets not create new ones, lets not get entangled in these shackles of hatred, jealousy and many more... Why not have a pure heart, a fresh and clear mind, keep your heart light, happy, say whatever you want to straightforwardly , don't keep inside , you will feel better.

FEELINGS

I think human beings are the most blessed ones since they are able to express their feelings... A heart to love, a dear one to hear, a sweet pal to share, parents to respect, siblings for everything... to share to express........ means a lot.
A desire unexpressed, a heart unsaid, a feeling unfolded may put you in pain. If it has the power to bring happiness around you, it can be chilly cold inside you when you don't speak..
Some people take a long time to open up, we call them reserved, some open up instantaneously, we call them extrovert, why is it so?
We feel these assumptions are true, but they can be utterly wrong. May be the person who speaks instantaneously just fans his inner feelings very well, may be the person who is reserved actually is judging you whether you are credible enough to be spoken to?
A person who always laughs is not necessarily happy, it may be the case he doesn't want to show the whole world his sorrows. Similarly it may happen you become friends and you think you are good at knowing each other, understanding the work and emotions and you may think you have found love... but it may not be the case...

Feelings wreak a havoc , they may play games and you may feel entrapped in their spell, it is not always the case that you get to know your heart clearly, sometimes it is beyond our own self.

“You can close your eyes to the things you do not want to see, but you cannot close your heart to the things you do not want to feel.”

I am not only talking about love here, feelings never mean love only, the words are though interrelated,but not one and the same. They can be anger, outburst, cries, shrieks as well.......

Try not to hide these, go on , speak out, of course to the ones you consider worthy enough to show your feelings. I expect everyone to have somebody to share, to care and to say "yes i m there for you, don't ask why cos i don't the answer myself". Just express yourself and try to understand your feelings, take breaks form your busy hectic life, go for a leisurely walk, life will teach you a lot......

Placed.............

What exactly it feels like  to have a job? I always thought great. But whoaaaaa.... it pained a lot, something creepy happened, couldn't smile, dese friendssssssss, my God, they make u cry, feel sad and what not.
In d college @ night 2 results declared, couln't laugh or smile , just some pain dat he/she wasn't selected. Some who got success, hugged each other, some unselected ones, couldn't actually control , cried!!!!!!
Mixed up, messed up, that one moment of declaration had changed the scenario.

Scenario changed....
Reached home, mum, pa, sis all happy, A sense of responsibility, a sense of goodness prevails, but at the same time can't explain what is missing, actually its the tension for friends.

"Whatever happens, happens for good."

I am waiting for that good , for that real good thing to happen. The job is a good thing but i am searching real happiness, feeling of achievement , have got a tinge of it.